Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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