Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize