I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
