The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
