It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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