Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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