Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
