I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
