Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
