I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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