I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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