No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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