Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize