Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
