Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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