If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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