just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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