just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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