pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
