1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
