one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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