When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize