it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
