Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
