i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
