Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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