I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
