I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
