So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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