Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just high enough for therapy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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