my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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