Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
