i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize