I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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