My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
