I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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