im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
