one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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