Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
