The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
