I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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