Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
