No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
