careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
