the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
