You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
