anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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