Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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