I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
