my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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