My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
