You work out of a Hotel?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
