As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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