you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize