im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude. I can hear the air.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
