ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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