Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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