i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
