trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
