I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
