in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smell my finger.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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