the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
