he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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