Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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