i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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