i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
