Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
