So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
