We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
