dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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