Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
