I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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