Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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