took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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