Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
