i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
