So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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