she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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