chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
