yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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