Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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