The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
