if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize