dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
