A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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