Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
