Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
