My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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