i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
