ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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