Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
