I wish life had little blips of pornography
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
