we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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