Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
