i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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