Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
